The last few years have been some of the scariest I have ever faced. A canyon of disappointments, mistakes, and loss. There are many factors that have played into this so where and how to start this blog is the struggle as I sit here right now and attempt to place my heart into a piece of paper.
Story is the seemly driving force that seems to transcend and pierce through the noise of the everyday. But what if the story isn’t pretty? What if where we find our selves is wreckage and pain? I guess the question I’m asking is “is the story still worth telling?”
I’ve always ran into life with the attitude of “I will never know unless I try.” This is the guiding line to where my music started and I hope it will be where it ends as well. My songs have never been about knowing it all or having it all figured out but rather a need and longing to know truth! I’ve always stood on the edge of faith and certainty. Faith says that I just jump in and believe even though it does not make sense. Certainty says I know all that I need to know and there is no need for faith.
These two things in my eyes are at war with one another. It’s called the battle between heart and mind or at least that is what I’m going to call it. This war has been raging in me since I was little and if my past is any sign of my future then I must rest in the fact that it might always be. We work so hard to build systems and formulas and walls to guard our ideas. Fear is usually at the base of this. If what we think we believe isn’t really true then all our walls come falling down, and I’m afraid this is exactly where I’m sitting.
We have all been sold an idea that we must have comfort and security. This is a just a marketing scheme to sell us things. If we buy into this we will mostly likely be disappointed. Faith is nowhere close to safe. It’s like the wind or the driving force that pushes us to new heights and allows us to discover the unknown. We can’t see it; it’s just deep down in our guts and we feel it so we push forward.
I don’t believe anything in life is achieved without faith. See it is faith that allows you to believe you can or why would you even try if you believed it wasn’t possible. Faith always comes first. Certainty is only the discovery of where our faith takes us. My mentors have taught me that every man or woman finds there selves here at some point in their lives and maybe more than once. We must ask real questions and pursue truth with everything we are if we want to truly be alive. This will cost us everything!
At the core of who I am I believe I can change the world and I will die trying. I will use the gifts I have been given to give back and make the world in which I see and better place to live in. As I walk in to a new chapter of life and music I’m flooded with fear. Will I be able to survive and provide for my family if I follow my passions? I don’t believe I will have the answers till I try but it doesn’t snuff the fear. I just keep pushing forward praying for clarity and trusting that God will guide my life. Trusting that all I have to give is faith and the rest will fall into to place when I choose to walk in it.